Out of the Mouths of Babes... Really?

A friend sent me this email entitled Judas Asparagus. It purports to be the result of an assignment for a child to write a book report on the entire Bible. It's pretty funny, so enjoy it; however, I have my doubts that it originated with a young child. Why? Well, see if you notice the humor that sounds not-too-subtly adult. :-)

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

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Virginia flew to Dallas today... actually, as I write this she is still in Albuquerque due to mechanical trouble. She'll eventually get to Dallas. Her mom is there visiting due to the birth of Larry and Erin's little girl, Nicole. It's also her mom's and uncle's birthdays, so Janet will throw a party and they'll have a great visit. I'll hold down the fort here, and she'll fly back Sunday night.

Now... think I'll go steam some asparagus...

ZOE Fresno

VJ and I drove down to Fresno Friday for the annual ZOE West Coast Worship Conference. It kicked off at 7:00 Friday evening and wrapped up a little after 6:00 this evening. We rolled into the driveway here right at 10:00.

It was a really good weekend. We got to hang out with Jeremy and Amber and her folks, Steve and Gail. Jeremy sang bass with ZOE, replacing one of the regulars who couldn't make the trip. The singing was incredible as usual; the class we attended was thought-provoking and challenging; the worship sessions were powerful. And... one of the best things about this kind of event is getting to reconnect, even if just briefly, with so many. God has a way of shaping each of us through our interactions with others, and seeing people we have known for a long time or even a short time just reminds me of that.

Ballroom Dancing

Sooo, our friend Anna emailed wondering if the ballroom dancing class she was taking could meet in the fellowship hall because their were too many couples for the tiny room they were using, including two other couples from church. They would even switch from Wednesday to Thursday nights so VJ and I could attend. Such an offer!!

Well, I cleared the class meeting in the FH and we attended tonight. Now, in our growing up years neither VJ nor I were dancers, and even if we were, the twist is nothing like a good waltz. So, we started pretty much from ground zero, and we had to learn fast to just keep up. The rest of the class had a whole week on us!!

So, tonight we learned and practiced several waltz steps: the hesitation, the basic box, the diagonal, the streamline, and the lady under the arm (or something like that). Now, learning and practicing does not mean mastering, so I guess we'll go back next Thursday night. Rest assured that no photos or video clips will be posted on this blog.

Vino Bella

MLK's birthday was a holiday for Virginia and we were about to lose some timeshare points with Shell Vacations, so Sunday afternoon we drove up to the Vino Bella resort in Napa for a couple of nights away. It's a new and very nice resort... probably the nicest one we've stayed in over all these years. You can check out photos and virtual tours here.

Monday we hiked for almost 3 hours in the hills of a county park, of all places. it was actually pretty good hiking with some good views of the valley. We closed out the day by driving north to Calistoga for an early supper before heading back to our place.

It was a short get away, but it was fun!

Inauguration Day

Many words have been spoken and written about today. Rather than add a bunch more, I'll just add these... tears... a warm sense of pride in being an American...

Special Friends

Most of us are blessed with good friends whom we see regularly. Time spent together serves as soil in which the relationship grows, and often God uses those relationships in special ways, sharpening and challenging us along the way.

Some of us are also blessed with friends whom we seldom get to see but who seem to be kindred spirits, and there is a closeness that spans both time and distance.

Such is the case with Arlin and Pamela Hendrix, longtime friends and missionaries in Lyon, France. Because of who they are I'm pretty sure we aren't the only ones who feel as we do, but we do consider them to be special friends. Part of that is a common bond in Christ, but the Spirit has woven our hearts together over the years through common experiences, goals, victories and challenges. The result is that when we do have the blessing of being together, it is almost as if we have not been apart.

Such was the case this week. Arlin and Pamela have been stateside on furlough, visiting sponsors, raising support, etc., and their trek of 23 cities eventually brought them to Arlin's home area in Fresno. Thursday they drove north and we drove south, meeting for a long lunch in Turlock. What a blessing it was to be with them, even for just a couple of hours.

Over the years Arlin and Pamela have become such a blessing to missionary efforts in the French speaking world. With Lyon as a base of operation, they reach out to touch works elsewhere in Europe, several African countries, and as far as Guadeloupe in the western hemisphere. Click here to check out their web site.

Thank God for special friends!

When I was a kid - back in the black and white TV days of the 1950's - one of my favorite TV shows was Sea Hunt with Lloyd Bridges as Mike Nelson. Check out this clip. His character was one of those good guys who always did the honorable thing... and he did much of it under water.

Two of his boys, Beau and Jeff, followed him into acting, developing careers of their own.

Lloyd died in 1998 of natural causes after 60 years of marriage to the same woman, Dorothy.

His birthday is today, a day he shares with Martin Luther King Junior. I'm pretty sure his legacy as Mike Nelson will not be remembered in the same way MLK is remembered, but to a young boy in the 50's, he was someone you could count on. Sooo... Happy Birthday, Mike... er... Lloyd.

Doing What Is Right

Isaac Asimov once wrote, "Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right." Now, there are plenty of things that Asimov said that I would take issue with, but I think he may be hitting uncomfortably close to home with this quote.

Have you ever heard anyone who has broken a rule or a law in order to help someone justify what they did by saying something like, "I know what the rule said, but I just felt I had to do what was right?" I have... I may have even said something like that... I've certainly heard others and sympathized.

I think Jesus would understand as well. Remember that the Pharisees of his day had, with mostly honorable motives, created a system of rules... a morality if you will... that detailed how to live before God but that sometimes stood in the way of doing the right thing as understood by Jesus.

Sooo... when does a particular understanding of what is moral fail us? How do we know? Are there times we need a better informed moral compass? Difficult questions to answer fully to be sure, but perhaps something to think and pray about... as we look for opportunities to do the right thing.

Pepperdine Lectures Preview Dinner

Virginia and I attended the annual Pepperdine Bible Lectures preview dinner hosted by Tri-Valley in Livermore this evening. We got there a little early to sing through some songs with the praise team for the evening. She sang soprano tonight and I was a tenor.

After dinner and some worship, Jerry Rushford, Director of both Church Relations and the annual Bible Lectures at Pepperdine did his usu all wonderful job of promoting the Lectures, setting the stage scripturally, and weaving in hymn stories. When Jerry speaks, I always learn something and there is usually a surprise of some sort.

Anyone reading this who has even a remote opportunity of attending the Bible Lectures, May 5-8, needs to check out this link to find out more. It's a wonderful experience... AND it all happens in Malibu!!! Hope to see you there!

A Birthday

No, not mine or Virginia's. Today is Kaleb's birthday, and it's really hard to imagine that boy is 10 years old. Wow!! I seriously remember when I was 10 years old in Mr Silverstien's class, and I remember things about his mom being 10 years old. We moved to Houston when Jeremy was 10 years old. How can Kaleb be 10 already!?!?!

Happy Birthday, Kaleb!!

You're a great kid and a wonderful grandson.

And, you share a birthday with a wonderful song writer, Joan Baez. Here are the lyrics from one of her songs, Blessed Are:

Blessed are the one way ticket holders on a one way street.

Blessed are the midnight riders for in the shadow of God they sleep.

Blessed are the huddled hikers staring out at falling rain, wondering at the retribution in their personal acquaintance with pain.

Blessed are the blood relations of the young ones who have died, who had not the time or patience to carry on this earthly ride.

Rain will come and winds will blow, wild deer die in the mountain snow.

Birds will beat at heaven's wall, what comes to one must come to us all.
For you and I are one way ticket holders on a one way street which lies across a golden valley where the waters of joy and hope run deep.

So if you pass the parents weeping of the young ones who have died, take them to your warmth and keeping for blessed are the tears they cried and many were the years they tried.

Take them to that valley wide and let their souls be pacified.

College Roommates

Whew... this week has gone by fast. Last weekend we had the chance to connect with Virginia's college roommate, Karen Kukta. She flew up from SD on Friday and stayed with us until Sunday afternoon. VJ and Karen don't get to see each other often, so they cherish the the times they are able to be together. It was a fun weekend.

Happy New Year!!

Jen, Fok, Kaleb and Claire stopped back by after Christmas in Canada and headed home today. Soooo... our house seems rather quiet and empty. Karen Kukta, a longtime friend who lives in San Diego, is coming for a visit tomorrow, but I doubt she brings quite as much energy as Kaleb and Claire. :-) Here are some pics from the last couple of days.

My three girls.

Claire making a point.

And sorting out the family shoes.

Grandkids are among the greatest joy!!